Children of teh Atom

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

no-one will ever really hear me.

this blog will go some way to fix that

i sometimes wonder "if the past me, met the present me, he'd be gutted. but if the present me met the present me, he'd be dig it. what's changed?"

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

if the present me met the past me, he'd probably kill him to see what happens

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

oh eye so this is my blog.

if you stick around i might figure out cool in time for summer.

my niece has been ill, but she's ok now. my sister in law had presumably a surprise first epileptic fit the other day. i haven't spoken to her, i'm not supposed to know, but apparently they've recovered a bit from the shock. i suppose that saying is a bit gay but i am concerned and can't say irl.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

if anyone wants to post a picture of a mug shot, that would be welcomed

just another trippy criminal/potential rapper.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

there is actually a story behind that mugshot. the guy was in the news today [?], he was found trafficking drugs; found because he got high while trafficking went to a garage with his imaginary car and tried to fill it up with petrol.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

Oh Shit, maybe it's my conscience. There was a protest outside the union the day before yesterday? wednesday. anyway as i was approaching it i was thinking "fuck is that a picket! no it's a protest. i don't want to join a protest, they seem like nerds. fuck maybe i could turn it into a picket. nah i couldn't do that there's 30 or so of them. fuck what if it's a picket i shouldn't cross it. hmmm. nah it's blatantly not a picket. wait a second i should ask. oh fuck now i'm inside the building. what if it was a picket??".

so anyway if it was a picket i am teh wanker, again.

Ninjadmin · Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:50 pm Post subject:

depends what they were picketing

i remember when i was at uni there were lots of strikes about fees, you've already paid the fucking money, what's the point in giong on strike after you've paid, it's like striking from mcdonalds cos you didn't like the burger

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

oh thanks for that.

so anyway, i think of this as day 0. i have something like 2 friends now, one in ireland one in london. they're reliable enough to be more than acquaintances. but fuck i mean fuck i've got to start going out more, this mammoth course ends in 2 weeks, and then i've both got to start looking at other things to prioritize, and i may be moving if it works out. but fuck i mean fuck.

districtline · Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:13 am Post subject:

i need some more friends too. only lived here for 2.5 months so it's alright, but still.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

oh eye it's a long road but don't let that get you down

DrCarnage · fantastic Joined: 05 Feb 2007 Posts: 2941

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i need to get some sort of creative hobby. i'm talentless.

flick · Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:15 pm Post subject:

youre quite funny, that picket post was funny, funny is a talent.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i've stopped taking my pills. i've got a week left to finish 1 essay. i'm nearly panicking.

i mean seriously if i can't do this my whole life is going to take a weird shape.

do we have a buddha smilie??

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

less than a week left. next weekend i might go out. while i'm there i might take some druuuuggggssss.

maybe neither, the future is my oyster.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

today?

i'm glad to be alive. i may be a dead man, all washed up at 23, destroyed. but eye, i'm still here.

fuckers.

Ninjadmin · Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 11:12 am Post subject:

trust me bob, 23 is really young, it is one of those ages where you are a bit between ages, but it'll all change. you could start doing something and do it for 10 years and you'd still only be 33

28, now that's old

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

nah i'm 26 nearly 27.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

have i mentioned that i've stopped taking my pills. i feel alright - less stressed, more healthy.

and my imaginations are fuller. which is probably a bad thing :-/

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i've been reading about schizophrenia and adolescence. i think my adolescence and probably childhood was schizophrenic. i didn't like hallucinate or anything, but i was a weirdo. this is a nice quote "purported genius reflects massive pseudo-intellectual overcompensation rather than genuine originality and creativity". Also stuff about being unable to untangle from my mother, I mean since getting sectioned I talk to my mother and farther alot. So what makes me feel ill, after reading about that, is i question how much i've left that bullshit behind.

edit nah that's bullshit, i'm not ill now or then.

just a sad bastard

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

when i said "schizophrenic" i meant schizophrenic like.

i admit that i'm a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to mental health. but it's understandable, considering that my brother has been sectioned twice, i react badly to pot, and have been sectioned.

it's grossly offensive that firky thinks i'm a malingerer. well, it would be ok i'd be a bit of a bastard tho

interestingly people who have had what i had, tend to be indistinguishable from people who haven't, if they have a high verbal. i just mean schizophrenics with high verbal iq tend to function just as well as normals with high verbal iq.

i'm not ill atm, i'm recovered, and none of my beliefs are bizarre. some kinda bizarre experiences/thought patterns i guess, for someone who doesn't take drugs. but i don't have a problem with the diagnosis, i mean my brother has it and he's pretty much an alright person. but it is upsetting that firky tries to convince people that i'm some kind of bizarre fraudster, lying so that people think i'm more different or something.

the guy has a personality that it severely high in psychotcism, imo.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

GOT TO DO SOME WORK.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

so anyway this is my last day at uni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!

how cool!

anyone is welcome to post what they think if how long it's taken me.
please answer a) you were psychotic; you are very clever to have completed the course

.
b) you are a severely neurotic malingerer with major character deficits, that has managed to ruin your life.

i'm not sure myself

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i am pleased with myself. i am very pleased with myself

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i am the dice man.

Ninjadmin · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 12:44 pm Post subject:

you're alreet bob

just a bit messed up

too much time on your hands imo. you need a creative outlet

i've been cracking up a bit the last few months cos i wasn't into anyting. you just have to force yourself to be happy sometimes

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

edit i'm cracking up.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i think it's a case of: when do friendly acquaintances that are old friends of yours turn into non entities. i guess when you work out they're kinda unfriendly

that is the last i'll say on that topic, what am i a nut?

as to that stupid ex of mine...............

edit well i say old friends, but we were lovers really

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i am still the dice man

i still want to go on holiday, the skies will be lovely

i thought districtline was inviting me to spend a couple of days with him in sweden, but he seems to have been scared off

the other thing i'm thinking about is, egocentric twat and that, is still if i've always been schizophrenic [i'm in remission now

]. i really don't remember hallucinating or being delusional back then, but i was a freak really. maybe it's a continuum, maybe the two aren't related, dunno.

not a theory, an observation or opinion.

oh i'll give an example of some theory before i leave.
was the guy i went travelling with a malignant nacissist? he was absoliutely remorseless to me

is lefort's political theory basically have the ideal of transferring merleau-ponty's concept of good ambiguity into the political sphere? good ambiguity made flesh, in sharp contrast to the imaginary terrorisms of stalinist systems? i was thinking at most basic he wants a good ambiguity between representative and "direct" democracy. it's an interesting theory, one that i might persue depending on how lazy i feel in the next few weeks/days.

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

it could be, sorry to go on, but perhaps my brother had childhood schizophrenia, and i was just copying how he behaved, or trying to. i really behaved very autistic - in the original sense of the world.

he's gone tho that man. he's never coming back........

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

nah, more likely that i've always been pretty unlikable, so never had many friends/etc., then went schiz.

Ninjadmin · Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 11:33 am Post subject:

i just think you spend too much time introspecting (if that's a word) and not enough time on new stuff

there is so much you haven't done, sitting about being a schiz isn something you have done

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

oh i do know that., i know that so bad, that's why i'm going to start socializing. and i want to go abroad too

but i'm just shit at art class

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

do something creative!

bbob · loves women Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 823

i should go out and do something. except i've got no-one to go with, and i'm not unhappy on the net............

i could find somewhere on the net. oh fuck it i can't be bothe......

i don't even drink ffs.